When the men were returning home after David had killed
the Philistine [Goliath], the women came out from all the towns of
Israel to meet King Saul with singing and dancing, with joyful songs and
with tambourines and lyres. As they danced, they sang: “Saul has slain
his thousands, and David his tens of thousands.”
Saul was very angry… “They have credited David with tens of thousands… but me with only thousands…” And from that time on Saul kept a close eye on David. 1 Samuel 18:6-9
Are you prone to jealousy?
My dictionary defines it as “the state of mind arising from the suspicion… or knowledge of rivalry.” The key word is rivalry. We see someone who is, say, better-looking than us, or more intelligent, or more gifted, or more popular, or better off, or more successful. And, putting it simply, we don’t like it.
It damages our self-esteem; it makes us feel inferior. And before we know what’s happening it starts to gnaw at our innards, creating resentment and even hatred towards that other person.
Well, the actual word jealousy doesn’t occur in this passage, but there’s no doubt that that’s what Saul’s problem was. He, the king, has taken the young man David under his wing. David is a gifted musician, and his playing helps lift the dark moods which descend on Saul from time to time. So “David came to Saul and entered his service. Saul liked him very much…” (16:21).
But then things take a turn that Saul finds hard to handle: David begins to outshine him in war, and he starts to look rather like yesterday’s man. The women, especially, seem to like David. And so we read those ominous words, “Saul kept a close eye on David”. You bet he did!
References to jealousy are scattered throughout the Bible, and almost always it’s portrayed as petty-minded and mean-spirited: an ugly and sinful frame of mind. So what should we do if we find it taking root in our heart? I suggest three things.
First, take an honest look at yourself. Perhaps that other person is more gifted or more popular than you. That, I’m afraid, is life – it simply isn’t always “fair”. True, we are all of equal value in the sight of God (halleluiah!), and equally loved by him (halleluiah again!); but we aren’t all equal when it comes to talents and personality. Get used to it!
Second, make up your mind to make the very most of what gifts you do have. On the judgment day that is what will matter: not, “how many gifts did you have and how great were they?” but “what did you do with the gifts you had?” A person who makes the best use of quite limited gifts pleases God more than the one who fritters away much greater ones.
Third, pray for grace to delight in the greater gifts of others, not to resent them. In other words, pray to be generous-spirited rather than mean-spirited. Greet your rival with a smile – and wish them well from your heart. The Holy Spirit will enable you to do this.
I said that in the Bible jealousy is “almost always” portrayed as bad and sinful. But that isn’t quite the full story. In 2 Corinthians 11:2 Paul tells the Corinth Christians that he is jealous for them “with a godly jealousy”. And that reminds us of those parts of the Bible where, yes, God describes himself as “a jealous God”. Exodus 20:5 is the first example of this. And – quite startling, this – in Exodus 34:14 his very name is said to be “Jealous”.
How can we make sense of this?
Clearly, there is good jealousy as well as bad. The difference is that bad jealousy is all about self-love – I am jealous of that other person because I am obsessed with myself: That was Saul’s problem. But good jealousy is about love of another person.
If you are married and see your husband or wife getting into a relationship with someone else, wouldn’t it be a bad sign if you didn’t feel jealous? It would suggest that your love for your marriage-partner is weak.
If you are the parent of a teenage child and you see your child being drawn into bad circles – drink, drugs, sex, or perhaps some kind of cult or extreme political views – again, wouldn’t here be something wrong with you if you didn’t feel jealous?
These are just two obvious examples of “godly” jealousy. No doubt we could all think of others.
So… Paul is jealous on behalf of the Corinth Christians because he loves them, and doesn’t want to see their faith corrupted.
And God himself is jealous for his people for the same reason: he loves us and has made us his own, and it grieves him to see us being seduced by false gods.
It seems, then, that jealousy isn’t a completely simple thing – it’s something we need to think and pray through. But given that when we feel jealous it’s likely to be the ugly kind that Saul felt for David, let’s just say this: be careful, be very, very careful.
Father, by your Holy Spirit please purge my heart of every hint of mean-spirited jealousy. Help me to understand that I am loved by you just as I am, and to delight humbly in all that you see in me. Amen.
Saul was very angry… “They have credited David with tens of thousands… but me with only thousands…” And from that time on Saul kept a close eye on David. 1 Samuel 18:6-9
Are you prone to jealousy?
My dictionary defines it as “the state of mind arising from the suspicion… or knowledge of rivalry.” The key word is rivalry. We see someone who is, say, better-looking than us, or more intelligent, or more gifted, or more popular, or better off, or more successful. And, putting it simply, we don’t like it.
It damages our self-esteem; it makes us feel inferior. And before we know what’s happening it starts to gnaw at our innards, creating resentment and even hatred towards that other person.
Well, the actual word jealousy doesn’t occur in this passage, but there’s no doubt that that’s what Saul’s problem was. He, the king, has taken the young man David under his wing. David is a gifted musician, and his playing helps lift the dark moods which descend on Saul from time to time. So “David came to Saul and entered his service. Saul liked him very much…” (16:21).
But then things take a turn that Saul finds hard to handle: David begins to outshine him in war, and he starts to look rather like yesterday’s man. The women, especially, seem to like David. And so we read those ominous words, “Saul kept a close eye on David”. You bet he did!
References to jealousy are scattered throughout the Bible, and almost always it’s portrayed as petty-minded and mean-spirited: an ugly and sinful frame of mind. So what should we do if we find it taking root in our heart? I suggest three things.
First, take an honest look at yourself. Perhaps that other person is more gifted or more popular than you. That, I’m afraid, is life – it simply isn’t always “fair”. True, we are all of equal value in the sight of God (halleluiah!), and equally loved by him (halleluiah again!); but we aren’t all equal when it comes to talents and personality. Get used to it!
Second, make up your mind to make the very most of what gifts you do have. On the judgment day that is what will matter: not, “how many gifts did you have and how great were they?” but “what did you do with the gifts you had?” A person who makes the best use of quite limited gifts pleases God more than the one who fritters away much greater ones.
Third, pray for grace to delight in the greater gifts of others, not to resent them. In other words, pray to be generous-spirited rather than mean-spirited. Greet your rival with a smile – and wish them well from your heart. The Holy Spirit will enable you to do this.
I said that in the Bible jealousy is “almost always” portrayed as bad and sinful. But that isn’t quite the full story. In 2 Corinthians 11:2 Paul tells the Corinth Christians that he is jealous for them “with a godly jealousy”. And that reminds us of those parts of the Bible where, yes, God describes himself as “a jealous God”. Exodus 20:5 is the first example of this. And – quite startling, this – in Exodus 34:14 his very name is said to be “Jealous”.
How can we make sense of this?
Clearly, there is good jealousy as well as bad. The difference is that bad jealousy is all about self-love – I am jealous of that other person because I am obsessed with myself: That was Saul’s problem. But good jealousy is about love of another person.
If you are married and see your husband or wife getting into a relationship with someone else, wouldn’t it be a bad sign if you didn’t feel jealous? It would suggest that your love for your marriage-partner is weak.
If you are the parent of a teenage child and you see your child being drawn into bad circles – drink, drugs, sex, or perhaps some kind of cult or extreme political views – again, wouldn’t here be something wrong with you if you didn’t feel jealous?
These are just two obvious examples of “godly” jealousy. No doubt we could all think of others.
So… Paul is jealous on behalf of the Corinth Christians because he loves them, and doesn’t want to see their faith corrupted.
And God himself is jealous for his people for the same reason: he loves us and has made us his own, and it grieves him to see us being seduced by false gods.
It seems, then, that jealousy isn’t a completely simple thing – it’s something we need to think and pray through. But given that when we feel jealous it’s likely to be the ugly kind that Saul felt for David, let’s just say this: be careful, be very, very careful.
Father, by your Holy Spirit please purge my heart of every hint of mean-spirited jealousy. Help me to understand that I am loved by you just as I am, and to delight humbly in all that you see in me. Amen.
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