The bitterness and the joy

Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy. Proverbs 14:10

One of the delights of reading Proverbs is that often you are left to work out for yourself why a particular verse is there. It’s not a book of “doctrine”, or teaching, for you to squirrel away as eternal truths; no, a lot of it consists of observations which are plopped in your lap, so to speak, for you to reflect on and think about. Conversation-starters, if you like.

Proverbs 14:10 is a case in point. After reading it you might think “OK, thank you for that observation – but now what do you expect me to do about it?”

Here are some possibilities which occurred to me.

1 You might ask the question, Is it actually true?

You don’t mean to doubt God’s word, but it could be taken to say that what goes on in the secret place of another person’s heart, both the bitter and the joyful, is indeed “secret”, unknowable to anyone else.

And that isn’t strictly true, is it? We have a saying that “a problem shared is a problem halved”, and while that may not be strictly true either, there is a precious sense in which pouring out your heart to a friend in a time of trouble can bring real relief. And certainly we can share another person’s joy, as when we attend their wedding or some other celebration.

I think that what the writer means is that at the very deepest level we are in fact strangers to one another. There is an inner you and an inner me, and an outer you and an outer me. Certainly we don’t (I hope) consciously “project an image” to the outside world, but there’s a whole lot of us that is hidden, even to those who know us best.

That leads to:

2 Don’t jump to conclusions.

I was in a service once when we had a bunch of young people doing a presentation on behalf of a missionary organisation. I was leading, but I had handed over to them for a ten minute slot. As is not unusual with enthusiastic young people, they got up to various antics in order to get their message across. I happened to catch sight of the face of an elderly man in the congregation – a quite old-fashioned elderly man. It was like thunder. “Uh-oh” I thought, “Will’s not liking this – get ready for repercussions…!”

A moment or two later the group asked for a volunteer to come up front and help, and - Will?... Will was out of his seat like a shot and acting like a teenager. How wrong could I be!

Do you tend to jump to conclusions? Could it be that that man who seems a bit stand-offish is in fact just very shy? That that woman who snubbed you (so you thought) in the street yesterday, was heading home from the hospital after receiving bad news; and simply didn’t see you? That that person at work who is sharp, critical and unhelpful is going through the pain of a dying marriage?

God alone truly knows our hearts.

And that leads to:

3 Don’t pass shallow judgments.

Of course, Jesus us tells us not judge at all (Matthew 7:1). But even that is not to be taken strictly literally, for he also told his disciples to “watch out for false prophets” (Matthew 7:15) and to not “throw your pearls to pigs” (Matthew 7:6) – and how can you be obedient to those commands if you haven’t in some sense passed a judgment on who might be a false prophet or who might be a “pig”?

What he meant was that we shouldn’t dismiss or condemn another person without very good reason (and not even then). And that surely is what our verse in Proverbs suggests as well.

How easy it is to pass shallow judgments! We can smile sweetly on the outside while despising another person inwardly. One of the advantages of getting old (allow me to slip for a moment into geriatric mode) is learning to appreciate and value people who, in earlier days, you were tempted to, er, think little of.

Perhaps the greatest overall lesson of Proverbs 14:10 is, very simply…

4 Be kind.

It’s said that you can’t begin to understand another person until you have walked ten miles in their shoes. There’s truth, surely, in that. It doesn’t mean that we should be indifferent to behaviour or attitudes which are downright wrong; all men and women are sinners, after all. But given that judgment ultimately belongs to God and God alone, it’s not a bad principle to think always the best rather than the worst.

That little word “kind” is very beautiful – simple, unpretentious. It pops up in the middle of Paul’s list of the “fruit of the Spirit” in Galatians 5:22; it’s a stronger word than just “nice”, a little less strong than “compassionate”.

Whatever, it’s a word that can certainly be applied to Jesus. So I find that a little reflection on Proverbs 14:10 ends up pointing us directly to him. I do hope you agree with me.

Loving heavenly Father, thank you that you know the deepest secrets of my heart – the good and the bad, the happy and the painful – and still you love me. Help me to treat others with that same kind of love and kindness. Amen.