Gossip - don't tell it, don't listen to it!

Without wood a fire goes out;

    without gossip a quarrel dies down.
As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire,
    so is a quarrelsome person for kindling strife.
The words of a gossip are like choice morsels;
    they go down to the inmost parts. Proverbs 26:20-22

The tongue is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell… it is a restless evil, full of deadly poison… James 3:6-8

Have you ever had anybody sidle up to you and say behind their hand, “I know I really shouldn’t tell you this, but…” You have? So, I imagine, have most of us, even if it wasn’t done in quite such an obviously crude and  furtive manner.

And how did you respond? “Well, if you know you shouldn’t tell me, then don’t! Kindly keep your mouth shut! I really don’t want to know!”? Or did you smile inwardly and ready yourself for a nice juicy bit of gossip?

I wish I could say that’s a test I have always passed. But, to my shame, that’s not so. It’s so tempting to be in the know, isn’t it? to be part of the in-crowd?  All right, we might perhaps try to be kind and reject the approach a little more gently: “Er, if you don’t mind I’d rather you didn’t…” But, whether bluntly or gently, such an approach needs to be firmly rejected.

The Book of Proverbs has a lot to say about the power of words, both for good and for ill. This little paragraph is about gossip - a curse, I suspect, of any and every church, and it uses a couple of vivid illustrations.

First, fire.

Few things are more frightening than fire when it threatens to get out of control. It’s not something most of us have ever experienced, for which we can thank God. But the mere thought of it – the appalling damage it can do and the ferocious speed with which it can spread - should sober us up if ever we are tempted to gossip.

Second, particularly tasty food, a “choice morsel” that “goes down to the inmost parts”. In a word, greed.

I think it was Oscar Wilde who is supposed to have said, “I can resist anything but temptation”. Well, ha-very-ha. But many of us know that feeling of failure when we allow ourselves “just a little bit more”, even though we’re full and have had all we need. The pleasure soon turns to a sense of guilt and self-reproach. And it’s the same when we have given in to gossip… “Why did I do that!” we say to ourselves – “How could I be so stupid?”

Well, at least we have recognised our failure: but will we handle the situation any better next time? Mmm, not so sure about that...

In the New Testament James the brother of Jesus adds another quite alarming illustration to go along with fire and greed: poison. “The tongue is a restless evil, full of deadly poison”. That’s pretty strong language!

Whatever else, these illustrations leave no room for doubt that our words – whether deliberately malicious or just plain careless - can have an effect beyond our wildest nightmares.

Of course, gossip can come cleverly disguised as sensitive pastoral care. Someone in a prayer group says in a very concerned voice, “We really ought to be praying for Jack and Kelly during this difficult time”. But, instead of praying, everyone is thinking, “So what’s happening with Jack and Kelly? Health problems? A spiritual crisis? Their marriage is breaking up? Their dog has died?”

I was once told off by someone on the fringe of the church: “Will you please tell your people to stop praying for me! I haven’t asked them and I’d be grateful if they would mind their own business”. I felt ashamed, and rightly so.

Why is gossip so tempting? Well, as I said earlier, it makes you feel important, part of the in-crowd. Perhaps gossips tend to be insecure, in need of a purpose in the life of the church. In which case, the right advice is something like, “You have all the security you need in Christ. So relax! He, in his love, is quietly turning you into the person God intends you to be. Be content with that. Just be like him, and be yourself”. (Not a bad motto for the Christian life as a whole, that, in fact).

The extent of the problem of gossip is illustrated by the number of entries it has in my Treasury of Christian Wisdom…

I like the quote by Billy Graham: “A real Christian is a person who can give his pet parrot to the town gossip”.

What about: “Gossip is vice enjoyed vicariously” (by someone called Elbert Hubbard)? Yes, we masquerade as lovingly concerned, but really we’re loving every minute of it. Hypocrites!

And here’s a wonderful Spanish proverb: “Remember that the person who gossips to you will one day be gossiping about you”.

I don’t know if the writer Rudyard Kipling had a strong Christian faith, but he certainly hit the right note for all of us: “I always prefer to believe the best of everybody; it saves so much trouble”. Amen!

And a final word: “Just as the person who receives stolen goods is as guilty as the one who stole them in the first place, so the one who listens to gossip is as guilty as the one who speaks it.” Ouch!

Father, I remember how Jesus said that “by our words we will be acquitted, and by our words we will be condemned”. Please help me to take that saying seriously, and to do all I can to help keep my church, and indeed my whole life, gossip-free. Amen.