Putting others first

¹³ Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. ¹⁴ I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclean. ¹⁵ If your brother or sister is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy someone for whom Christ died…

 Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. ²⁰ Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a person to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. ²¹ It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother or sister to fall…

²² So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. ²³ But whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat, because their eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.

Romans 14:13-22

We must have been still in our twenties, Bill and I, when we first met. He was lying in the local high street one dark Friday night, and I thought at first that some clothes had been dumped in the road. I didn’t miss him by much, and it wasn’t at all easy to haul him to safety. But I managed, and so began a friendship that lasted just a few years. Then death.

Bill was a wreck of a man, totally ruined by drink. He started coming to church and got to know a number of Christians, all of whom were good to him, though he was never regular. He never “made a commitment” or “received Christ as his Saviour”. But he was always happy to be prayed with, and I remember once when his eyes lit up with ironic recognition as we read from the end of Proverbs 23.

Alcohol-abuse is a common curse, and there is no doubt it could be a problem in biblical times. Often attitudes to it have divided Christians in the modern world. (When I was a new Christian it was taken for granted in the circles I moved in that Christians simply didn’t drink, and that was that.)  In Romans 14 it’s not what Paul has in his sights (I’m just using it as a present-day example); no, he has in mind other issues that may divide Christians, and from them he broadens out his teaching to lay down a fundamental principle which is for everywhere and all times: the great need for us to be respectful of, and sensitive to, one another’s different opinions, different needs and different personalities.

He divides Christians into two groups, the “strong” and the “weak”, which probably boils down to something like the spiritually mature on the one hand and timid newcomers on the other, those who are confident and knowledgeable in their faith, and those who for whatever reason are hesitant and unsure.

Two of the issues that were alive in the Rome church seem to have been vegetarianism (verses 1-4) and sabbath observance (verses 5-6). And Paul’s essential argument, I think directed mainly at the “strong” contingent, can be summed up very simply: don’t fall out over such matters! don’t judge one another! don’t split off into factions! “Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master servants stand or fall” (verse 4). In short, Hands off! Get it?

Paul uses two particular words in Romans 14 which, I think, are worth exploring a little, not least because they are slightly startling…

First, stumbling-block (verse 13). “Make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister”.

Nasty things, stumbling-blocks! – especially in a world, like Paul’s, that didn’t have many smooth, paved streets, even more so after dark. They can do you a serious injury. So the thought that a fellow-Christian might deliberately place one before you seems simply absurd: why would they do such a thing!

I don’t think Paul is implying that they might do it deliberately, but he is suggesting that if any of us fall out with a fellow-Christian because of some secondary matter - if we are so foolish as to “make an issue” over something that really isn’t worth it - then in fact that is exactly what we might be doing: a previously contented, growing Christian who is at peace with both God and with him or herself experiences a serious wobble to their faith which threatens (to change the image) to derail them completely.

Probably all of us have talked to fellow Christians from time to time who have felt driven out of a previous church because of someone’s insensitive or over-bearing manner. We have responded (I hope) by trying to encourage and reassure them. Good.

But have we stopped to ask ourselves: Have I ever done that? Is that the kind of Christian I am? For myself, I blush to think of the times in my life when I have caused confusion, hurt or anger by ill-chosen words or even perhaps by a well-meant but over-zealous enthusiasm. The times I have laid a stumbling-block in their path… Lord, have mercy!

The second word is even more startling: destroy (verse 15), as in “Do not by your eating destroy someone for whom Christ died” . Paul seems to be suggesting that to get it wrong in this area may mean not simply confusing or troubling that other person, but actually destroying them.

But what can that possibly mean? Not literally kill, surely! He’s not suggesting murder! No, of course not. He is talking about the danger of bringing about somebody else’s spiritual collapse: “Do not let the food you eat ruin the person for whom Christ died” (verse 15, as the Good News Bible puts it). In plain terms, he’s talking about “setting a bad example” or “leading somebody astray”.

We probably fail to recognise that human beings are often quite delicate little plants, easily bruised, even crushed. All it might need is a careless word or an over-bearing manner to leave somebody flattened, broken. We then go blithely on our way, blissfully unaware of the damage we have done. Isn’t this the kind of thing Jesus has in mind in passages such as Mark 9:42-50: strong meat, but needing to be taken seriously. I can still remember things said to me, for good or ill, as a child – which is quite frightening, don’t you think?

Back to Bill. He was, if anybody ever was, “a lost soul”, and my efforts to bring him to Christ were pretty feeble, though I did decide to “go teetotal” for a time in order to identify with him.

But who knows what may have gone on in the depths of his heart during that short period when he was exposed to the gospel? I can only harbour the hope that I might yet see him again - not lying pathetically in a busy street, but “clothed and in his right mind”, and radiant in the immediate presence of Christ?

Father, please help me to distinguish between things that really matter and things which are matters of individual conscience. If a fuss needs to be made, help me to make it graciously and lovingly; if a blind eye needs to be turned, help me to turn it. Help me always to put the needs of my brother or sister in Christ before my own. Amen.