Of tongues and bones

A gentle tongue can break a bone. Proverbs 25:15

“Pardon?”

“A gentle tongue can break a bone – that’s what it says in Proverbs 25.”

“All right, I see that. But what does it mean? I’d better be careful not to go round licking people – the local accident and emergency department are under enough pressure as it is without adding to the queue.”

“I’m not sure you’re quite getting the point.”

“No? I think you’d better explain it to me then…”

An unlikely conversation. But it’s one of the delights of the Bible, especially the “wisdom” books, when you come across a saying that, for a moment, leaves you a bit puzzled, and then makes you smile. Woe betide the strict literalist who insists that metaphors and figures of speech must always be taken absolutely as they stand!

Many of the verses in Proverbs consist of two short lines which, when taken together, balance each other. Here, the line I have quoted is the second of the two; the first reads “Through patience a ruler can be persuaded”. Ah! We immediately (I hope) realise that the writer is in fact not talking about togues and bones at all but about the best way to win an argument: softly, softly.

The Good News Bible drops completely the nonsense talk about breaking bones and spells out the actual meaning intended: “Patient persuasion can break down the strongest resistance and even convince rulers”. The Message has: “Patient persistence pierces through indifference; gentle speech breaks down rigid defences”. Both correct, I’m sure – but rather lacking the “smile” factor, don’t you think, a bit pedantic? (Often, in life in general, a bit of obvious nonsense causes us to think more deeply and so to appreciate the point a bit better: ask any good teacher.)

So I’m sure everyone reading this will have grasped the point of Proverbs 25:15 without needing to have it explained: if you need to persuade someone in authority, especially if they are cold and indifferent, it’s not a good idea to go in with all guns blazing – you’ll just put their backs up. Patiently and quietly making your point is much more likely to be effective.

But, given that most of us are (thankfully) not in the position of needing to persuade somebody in authority, it’s perfectly sensible of us to ask how else we might apply what the writer is getting at. I can think of various different applications…

First, it raises a whole cluster of questions about how we use our tongues.

Do we, when disagreement rears its head, rely on quiet, reasoned argument, or do we resort to anger, bluster, sarcasm? I knew a man once - a pastor, no less - who was capable of reducing people to tears just by the way he talked. Who of us (myself certainly included) can claim never to have caused hurt and pain to others, just determined to “win the argument”? Proverbs 15:1 offers us a companion verse to the one we’re focussed on: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger”.

Let’s remember that when the authorities were abusing Jesus, telling lies about him and pouring out their bile on him, he “remained silent” (Matthew 26:63). Can you picture that? What calm! what beautiful dignity! And let’s not forget the advice given by James in James 3:1-12, where he describes the tongue as “a fire, a world of evil… a restless evil, full of deadly poison”, coming straight from hell. From childhood days I remember a rhyme we used to chant when our “enemies” insulted us: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me”. I early learned that there was just one thing wrong with that: it simply wasn’t true; unkind words can cut deep and cruel.

A question, therefore, for each of us to ask ourselves: Am I in control of my tongue?

Second, there is a particular application of Proverbs 25:15 in our world of near instant but distant communication.

How easy it is vent our poison by ugly, stupid comments under the cloak of anonymity. Let me be personal for a moment. A particular weakness of mine is to run short of patience more easily when I can’t see the other person’s face. I may just be on the end of a telephone queue, and I suddenly find myself talking to a live human being. Because I can’t see them, nor they me, it’s easy for the normal courtesies of life to go right out of the window. Little do I think of that unknown stranger going home at the end of their day drained and exhausted from having to be polite to unseen people like me.

The internet and all the other ways of “speaking” instantly and anonymously is, no doubt, often a wonderful thing. Most of us are deeply grateful for it, and can think of situations where it has saved us from some kind of disaster. But it can also be a horrible poison, spewing out lies and vitriol quicker than used to be imaginable. We are regularly reminded of the way things are available to quite young children that can only do damage which it’s impossible to measure. In all our communications with others it’s our business, especially if we claim to be Christians, to observe three golden rules (as taught to me as a small boy): “Before speaking, ask yourself three questions about what you are intending to say: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?” If it isn’t all three, then it’s best to keep our mouths firmly shut, our text message unwritten.

There are a couple of other things which Proverbs 25:15 put into my mind, but I’ve run out of space. I hope you might join me next time. But at the very least I hope my reflections today will do us good in reminding us that the tongue is a frighteningly powerful instrument – for good or ill.

Heavenly Father, please keep me always mindful that my words, spoken and written, can do good or ill way beyond anything I can imagine. Amen.