Angry with someone?

Barnabas wanted to take John (also called Mark) with them, but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia... They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Acts 15:37-39

Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry. 2 Timothy 4:11

“Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me...”

So writes Paul to his sidekick Timothy. He is in prison, and he is asking Timothy to do various practical things for him. Bringing Mark to see him is just one.

I like those little parts of Paul’s letters where he talks about his friends and fellow-missionaries, or about his personal needs - in this instance he wants some books and also (perhaps the nights were getting a bit chilly) an old cloak. These passages make him seem very human, not just a Christian leader who wrote profound theology.

But it’s his desire to have Mark with him that is specially touching. Why? Because he and Mark have, as they say, a bit of previous. Relations have not been good. 

The “back-story” is found in Acts...

Acts 13:13 tells us that on an earlier missionary journey Mark had left Paul and his friend Barnabas in the lurch and scuttled off back home. And Acts 15:37-39 tells us that, when it came to planning a future journey, Paul and Barnabas “had a sharp disagreement” over whether or not Timothy should be included in the party: Barnabas wanted him, Paul did not. (The Greek word for their falling out is the one from which we get “paroxysm”, suggesting a pretty heated exchange of views, to put it mildly.) 

Result: Paul and Barnabas go their separate ways.

So it’s very heartening to hear Paul saying here, some years later, that he really would like to have Timothy with him in the loneliness of his imprisonment. We know that Paul and Barnabas settled their differences, but this verse make it clear that Paul and Mark also are fully reconciled. 

Various thoughts jump out of the story.

First, Christians can and do fall out. All right, no doubt they shouldn’t, and in a perfect church they wouldn’t. But as the wall-poster says, “Be patient! God hasn’t finished with me yet.” Christians are, or should be, people of strong convictions, so there are bound to be times when they see things differently, and that can lead to tensions; none of us has it right all the time.

Second, Christians should aim to resolve their differences in a Christ-like way. The proper response to a falling-out is neither a wail of despair - “How can we be real Christians if we fall out like this!” - nor a simmering anger and resentment - “Right! I’ve had it with him!” No; the proper response is a serious determination to put it right. What matters most is not the falling-out, but the way we respond to it and handle it. 

We can only guess how Paul and Mark were reconciled. Perhaps Mark felt bad and offered Paul an apology - “I’m really sorry about what happened in Pamphylia.” It could be that Paul approached Mark with something along the lines of “Perhaps I acted rather hastily over the new journey - it’s just that I was rather disappointed when you left us.” 

(It could even be, of course, that Mark was blissfully unaware of the problem; the rift, after all, was between Paul and Barnabas, and he the unwitting cause. Perhaps Paul allowed his anger to cool and simply made nothing of it when he next met Mark.)

Whatever, it leads to the third truth: damaged relationships can be healed!

In my ministry I have pastored just two churches, each for around twenty years. This has given me long enough in each church to be able to see such healings take place. Indeed, it has had an impact on me personally, for I can think of people I have not got on well with (no doubt usually my fault), only for a day to come when we were working, praying and worshipping happily together.

Has what I have said brought to your mind a bruised relationship in your life? Is it time to approach that other person and to hold out an olive branch? Or perhaps, through prayer, to bury once and for all that nasty sense of grievance? People, even those we have had a disagreement with, are rarely seriously bad people!

It’s not in the Bible, but it’s a good saying all the same: the best way to get rid of an enemy is to turn him into a friend. So how about it? And how about it today?

Father, forgive me for the people I have misjudged, undervalued or found fault with. Forgive my prejudices and my harbouring of grudges. Help me today, no matter where the fault may lie, to set about the business of rebuilding trust and restoring love. Amen.