Please be my friend

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labour: if either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

What a strange book is Ecclesiastes!

Just think of some of the treasures the Bible gives us – the profound depths of John’s portrayal of Jesus, the Word of God; stories like David and Goliath (1 Samuel 17), or Jacob wrestling with the angel (Genesis 32); Paul’s wonderful words about love (1 Corinthians 13); the soaring prophetic poetry of, say, Isaiah 40.

And then… “Meaningless! Meaningless!… everything is meaningless”; “I declared that the dead… are happier than the living… But better than both is the person who has never been born”; “It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting…” (Ecclesiastes 1:2, 4:2-3, 7:2).

Not much gospel here!

Yet, in its own way, Ecclesiastes is also one of the treasures of the Bible. I’ve deliberately picked out some of the gloomiest parts – in other places it is at least a little more cheerful (though not much).

The great merit of this book is its unflinching honesty: the fact is that to untold millions of people this is just how this earthly life appears. At the very least it should prompt us to exclaim, “But there must be more to life than just this! Is it all darkness and no light?” And so it can teach us to search for the full light which is ultimately ours in Christ alone.

I don’t think that many parts of Ecclesiastes have a “correct” interpretation; it’s not the kind of book that can be “processed” into doctrine. The way to read it is simply to mull it over, to absorb its world-view into our wider perspective, to see it through the eyes of those who view life this way, and to apply it as seems right in our particular circumstances.

A favourite part for me is 4:9-12, which begins “Two are better than one…”. It’s essentially about companionship – or just plain friendship. And there aren’t many more important themes than that!

In the Genesis creation story we read that after each stage of creation “God saw that it was good” – six times – and then, to sum it all up, “God saw that it was very good”. Which makes it all the more striking, after the creation of Adam, that “the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone…’” And so we come to the creation of Eve.

I don’t think this means that Ecclesiastes 4 is essentially about marriage, though you can certainly apply it that way. No: it is reminding us of a most basic truth: we all need other people; yes, I need you, and (believe it or not) you need me.

“If either of them falls down, one can help the other up” (verse 10). Yes! How thankful I am for the people in my life who have helped me up when I was falling! (Mind you, I rather like the feminist take on this I once read: “I am your sister. If you fall down I will help you up – when I’ve finished laughing”. A little bit of humour goes a long way, doesn’t it?)

“If two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?” (verse 11). Yes! How thankful I am for the people who have warmed me by their love, kindness, generosity and forgiveness when I have felt my heart chilled by the cold winds of life.

(I recently read Ernest Shackleton’s account of the Antarctic expedition of his ship, the Endurance, 1914-1917. Caught in pack-ice, the ship was slowly crushed, and the crew had to camp out on the ice and then take to the life-boats. Amazingly, they nearly all survived, but Shackleton tells us that one of the things they had to do was to sleep not only in the thickest clothes they had, but literally in one another’s arms.)

“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves” (verse 12). Yes! How thankful I am for those who have fought alongside me during some of the battles of life! – those who have been staunch and reliable, prayerful and loyal.

No doubt all these aspects of companionship apply in the context of a happy marriage – certainly that’s so in my case, I’m thankful to say. But they have a much wider application too, and I hope all of us, married or single, can testify to this great truth.

I hope too that reflecting on this can move us to compassion for anyone in our circle who “falls and has no one to help them up” (sad!), or who has to “keep warm alone” (sad again!), or who is liable to be “overpowered” for lack of a fellow-soldier (and again!). Remember Jesus’ story of the good Samaritan!

Is there somebody today who needs my companionship…?

The passage ends with an intriguing little observation: “a cord of three strands is not quickly broken”. Who did the writer mean by that third strand? God?

To be honest, I doubt it. But never mind – that doesn’t mean that we can’t take it that way, does it!

Lord God, thank you for those who have been true friends to me throughout my life. Give me a heart of compassion for those who need my friendship. Thank you above all for Jesus – the one who told his followers ‘I have called you friends’. Amen.