Beware of jealousy...

A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

The American writer Gore Vidal famously wrote, “Every time a friend succeeds, something in me dies”.

I hope – oh, I do hope! – that it was meant as a joke. If not – well, I suppose you have to give Vidal ten out of ten for honesty; but it’s really a sad thing to have said. Such naked jealousy, such unashamed envy, is an ugly thing.

I suppose all of us are prone to it. Some other person is cleverer than we are, or better-looking, or more talented, or better off financially, or more successful, or… it could be a hundred and one things; and we find ourselves thinking “Why shouldn’t I have those things? I deserve them just as much as him”. We fail to realise that to harbour jealousy is to nurture nothing less than deathliness, for isn’t the “rotting of the bones” (Proverbs 14:30) a metaphor for horrible sickness and even death?

The Bible’s two great stories of jealousy are about death.

Cain was jealous of Abel because God accepted Abel’s offering but not his. So he “attacked his brother and killed him” (Genesis 4:8). King Saul was jealous of David because David’s popularity eclipsed his: all right, he didn’t in fact kill him, but it wasn’t for want of trying! The writer of 1 Samuel 18:9 makes a truly telling observation: “… from that time on Saul kept a close eye on David”. You can just see it, can’t you, that brooding, malevolent look?

The root of jealousy is discontent. We are not happy with who we are and what we have, but instead of acting in such a way as to remedy our lack – so far as that may be possible - we wallow in resentment towards the other person. This means that we burn up both precious time and much-needed energy in indulging in totally negative feelings.

No wonder the jealous person is sometimes challenged with the question “What’s eating you?” What indeed? – for every minute spent focussed on bitterness and anger is a minute that could have been spent doing positive and productive things. Time is ticking by! Life never presses the pause button! Stop dying and live!

We have a false sense of entitlement. We have never grasped the simple fact that, whether we like it or not, life just isn’t always fair. And this applies to God’s people just as much as to everybody else – quite possibly even more so.

Was it fair that Rachel’s co-wife Leah could bear children while she couldn’t (Genesis 30)? That Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery (Genesis 37)? That Job, a good man, should suffer so appallingly?

Was it fair that Jesus should be crucified?

Is it fair that millions of God’s people experience persecution, hardship and injustice while many of us get by without much difficulty?

Fairness simply doesn’t come into it, so we have to learn how to handle that sense of injustice. Paul tells us that through the many ups and downs of his God-centred life “I have learned to be content” (Philippians 4:11) – it obviously didn’t come naturally to him, and we shouldn’t expect it to come naturally to us either: learning can be a long and painful process.

A major part of that process is, of course, prayer. At the most basic level we can pray, “Father, please drain my heart of the poison of jealousy.” That is a prayer to repeat constantly - assuming that we really mean it - until the day comes when we realise with joy that it has indeed been answered.

But we can also go further. We can pray that not only will God drain away the bad stuff, but also replace it with the healthy stuff: “Father, enable me, by your Spirit, to take pleasure in that other person’s success, to delight in their good fortune.” Wouldn’t that be a beautiful victory, truly one in the eye for the devil?

Life teaches us that people who refuse to give in to negative feelings are generally also happy people. They take life as it comes, as being from the hand of a God who loves them and who is working out his purposes in their life. Result? – they can afford to be kindly and patient, calm and peaceful. And wherever they go they give out a  sense of gentle contentment. Thank God for such people! (Oh to be such a one!)

Having said all this, the Bible does, of course, also give us a different angle on jealousy – for doesn’t God himself tell us that he is “a jealous God”? Yes, it’s right there in the ten commandments (Exodus 20:4-6).

Yes, but this is a holy jealousy born out of a deep and pure love – we might compare it with the love of a parent for a child going astray, or of a wife for a husband being tempted. It’s in this spirit that Paul tells the wayward Christians of Corinth that “I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy” (2 Corinthians 11:2).

So jealousy can be a good thing.

But I think that’s a topic for another day!

Father God, help me not to waste my precious life harbouring resentment or nursing grudges. Teach me to be content, trusting in your overruling of my life. Teach me to be like Jesus! Amen.