What about our unbelieving loved ones?

 

Jesus said, “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’ Matthew 7:21-23

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead, he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9

After preaching recently I was told that somebody had been upset by something I said. This, in my experience, doesn’t happen often (though possibly people are just too polite to say). But when it does it bothers me. Perhaps what I said was wrong? Perhaps what I said was right, but said in the wrong way? Perhaps I just hadn’t made my meaning clear, and caused misunderstanding and hurt? Oh dear.

I had been speaking about the story of “the wise and foolish bridesmaids” (Matthew 25:1-13), where Jesus (the “bridegroom” obviously stands for him) warns us to be ready for his return because the opportunity to respond to God’s love will not last for ever. In the story, the bridegroom delays his coming for a long time, but after he does come “the door was shut”, leaving the foolish bridesmaids - their torches unlit and with no oil to re-light them – outside and in the dark. It’s a story about exclusion.

I didn’t harp on this part of the story (at least, I hope I didn’t). But it’s there – indeed, it’s central to the story - and it would have been dishonest to gloss over it. The lady who was upset was thinking about her husband, an unbeliever, and was - understandably - fearful for “the door being shut” on him.

It was hard to know what to say. Surely every Christian has people in their circle of family, loved ones and friends who don’t believe in Jesus, and we find the thought of them being excluded from God’s  eternal kingdom painful. But we don’t have the right to airbrush this aspect of the truth out of our understanding of the gospel.

The fact is that the Bible often leaves us to juggle uncomfortably with statements that seem at odds with one another. There are, for example, many passages as well as Matthew 25 which render “universalism” - the belief that in the end everyone will be saved - impossible. Jesus certainly didn’t teach it, as we know from his solemn warnings about the day when “there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth” (eg, Matthew 13:42, 50).

But then along comes his first apostle, Peter, who tells us that God is “not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9). Paul says something very similar: God “wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth” (1 Timothy 2:4). Some Christians try to wriggle out of the plain meaning of such verses, but they are far better taken at face value.

Putting comforting verses like those side by side with Matthew 7:23 or the story of the ten bridesmaids doesn’t create a contradiction. But it can be difficult to reconcile (a) a God who excludes certain people from his kingdom, and yet (b) wants everyone to be included. Does this mean that human free will can ultimately thwart the will of God? It’s hard to avoid that conclusion - that God in his extraordinary humility takes our freedom with such deadly seriousness as to allow his purposes to be defeated. (Will he too be weeping on that day…?)

My response to the lady who was upset was twofold.

First, that she should persevere in prayer for her husband – that, I’m sure, went without saying.

There are many stories in Christian history of conversions that took place years after a loved one had been persistently praying for them. The conversion of Augustine (354-430), the north African teacher and bishop, is a well-known example. His devout mother, Monica, who died in 387, never gave up in praying for her wayward son. (Her husband, too, was converted on his death-bed, so she lived to see the conversions of both husband and son.) Never give up hope!

Second, that she should trust in the perfect justice of God, however hard it might seem. In Jesus’ story it could seem as if the bridegroom rejects the foolish bridesmaids. “Rejects” sounds harsh. But perhaps it is too strong a word. Certainly, they are excluded; but it would be more accurate to say that they are self-excluded by their own carelessness. They were, after all, invited to the wedding banquet, and, indeed, given an important role to play in it.

The message of the story, then, is that God is just too serious to be taken lightly. But whatever happens to our unbelieving loved ones, we can be sure it will be right and good, for God is a just, holy and loving God. And we will see it in that light, for our own understanding will be perfected, and our perceptions will be like those of God himself.

Lord God, as I think of the people I love who do not know you, I cannot help but feel unhappy. Please help me to see them through your eyes, and to find comfort in your perfect justice and your unbounded love. Amen.