Thinking about anger

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

Would you describe yourself as a stirrer-up or as a calmer-down?

I don’t know if it’s just me, but I get the impression that ugly, naked, vicious anger is far more common than it used to be. I was treated the other day to a mouthful of extremely vile language by another driver who obviously felt I hadn’t moved quickly enough for his liking. It wasn’t just the words he used but, perhaps even more, the twisted, hate-filled contortion of his (very red) face that was most alarming. I felt like saying, “You need to watch it, mate! – carry on like that and you’ll be heading for a heart attack”. Just as well, really, that a reply wasn’t possible…

Proverbs 15:1 is one of those verses that says, perfectly, exactly what needs to be said. A dozen words, but, digested and acted on, they have the power to change our lives, and that little bit of the world we live our lives in, for the better.

Anger isn’t always wrong. Jesus displayed anger that day in the Jerusalem Temple when he saw the way the religious authorities had allowed the most sacred place in all of Israel to become corrupted: he even used physical force (Mark 11:15-17).

This suggests that not only are there times we may be angry, but, still more, that there may be times it’s wrong not to be. When we see cruelty and lies, bullying, poverty, hatred, hypocrisy, we ought to be angry; if we’re not there’s something wrong with us.

But what matters is what we do with that anger. Do we let it flare up so that we lose control? – like that man in the other car. Or do we channel it in a positive way?

I don’t have any doubt that when Jesus went to the Temple that day he knew exactly what he was going to do. After all, he had been there many times before, so he knew what went on there. But he knew that the time had now come to make a clear demonstration. And so the anger that had built up inside him came to controlled expression in such a way as to change things for ever.

Of course, we can all be guilty of a flash of temper – “losing our cool”, as we say – and that is simply a sin we must repent of. (And it’s no good saying “Oh, that’s just me – it’s just the way I am”. If the Spirit of God lives in us, then we can, and must, learn to take control and ensure, however long it takes and however hard it is, that it ceases to be the way I am! What’s the point of following Jesus if it doesn’t change us?)

If I’m right in my impression that anger is more common today, it may have something to do with social media. How easy it is to shoot off some insult or volley of expletives without stopping to think. Because, of course, stopping and thinking are what’s needed – otherwise known as conversation.

Suppose that driver and I had had a chance to calmly exchange our views. Instead of…

Him: You ******* *****!!! Why *** **** didn’t you move when you had the chance????

Me (under my breath): You need to watch it, mate! – carry on like that and you’ll be heading for a heart attack…

It could have been…

Him: I say, old chap, don’t you think you were a little slow moving off then?

Me: To be honest, I thought I got it about right. But if I delayed you, I gladly apologise.

Him: Oh well, stuff happens, I suppose.

Me: That’s right – why don’t we go and have a coffee?

And we’re friends for life! And, who knows, he’s the first person to say a word of eulogy at my funeral.

What do you mean, unlikely? Have you no faith? Oh, all right then. But you get the point…

There’s nothing easier than to bawl or yell at someone we’ve taken a dislike to, whether in the flesh or on social media. Even university students are doing that when they “no-platform” some professor whose views they don’t like the sound of. And as for politicians, sports stars and other celebrities who have displeased some group of people – the vitriol they’re on the receiving end of is almost beyond belief.

But how about listening? How about thinking about the other person’s point of view? How about opening ourselves to the possibility that they could have a point?

So… Am I a trouble-maker or a peace-maker? Ready with the “gentle answer that turns away wrath”? Or with the “harsh word that stirs up anger”? Let’s be honest, now…

A footnote: There is of course one particular “gentle answer” which hardly ever fails: I’m sorry. Is there someone I should be saying sorry to today?

Lord Jesus, at all times and in all places help me to remember your word, Blessed are the peace-makers. Amen.