Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15
The American novelist Gore Vidal is supposed to have said, “Every time a friend succeeds, something in me dies”. (I say “is supposed” because that quote has been attributed to several others as well.)
I don’t know if it was meant as a sarcastic joke (Vidal was known, apparently, for his “epigrammatic wit”). But taken at face value it reflects intense rivalry, even downright, spiteful jealousy - “I want to be the best! I want to be praised and admired! I hate it when other people outshine me, even my own friends!”
Well, only Vidal himself knew his own heart. But however sad we might find those words, if we are honest I suspect that few of us are completely innocent of such mean-mindedness. Do you - do I - have a jealous streak deep down inside?
If we do, I can’t imagine a better antidote than Paul’s simple words in Romans 12:15: “Rejoice with those who rejoice”.
We usually take these words in their most straightforward sense: “If someone else is happy, then be happy with them. Of course!” And I’m sure that’s right.
Sometimes it’s easy enough - somebody has passed an exam, or got a new job, or had a baby, or got married, or come safely through an operation... In situations like those it’s a pleasure, surely, to share the happiness of others.
But wait a minute... What if that exam was one that we had failed? or if that job was one that we hoped we would get? or if the person that friend married was the person we had set our hearts on marrying? How sincere then is our “rejoicing”? Isn’t it tainted with jealousy, even bitterness?
There’s no point denying what we feel, and if we do feel jealous, that in itself isn’t wrong. Regarding that job, for example: it may be that we really were better qualified for it, and could have done it better. No, it’s not wrong to feel that very natural pang of hurt and jealousy.
What matters is what we do with that feeling.
Do we harbour it, brood on it, allow it to fester and engender in us feelings of anger or self-pity? Or do we deal with it by bringing it to God, and asking him to teach us, even in this sort of situation, to “rejoice with those who rejoice”?
If we do this, then by his Spirit he will bring us to a place where, for all the lingering hurt inside, we can look our fortunate friend right in the eye, congratulate them and wish them well with a genuine smile. And then get on with our lives (perhaps keeping in mind the times we have been the “lucky” ones).
What it all boils down to is the contrast between a mean and a generous spirit. If a person who doesn’t know God feels resentful and hard-done by, you might expect them to be mean-spirited. What motive might they have not to be so? But if a person knows God, and is conscious of how generous God has been with them, then don’t they have every incentive to copy that generous-spiritedness?
Fact: life just isn’t “fair”. So get used to it. But fact also: in God’s providence all wrongs will be righted and perfect justice will be done. Isn’t he the holy God who can do all things?
The Bible contains various examples of the destructive power of jealousy. The first murder happened because Cain’s offering was not accepted by God, while his brother Abel’s was: so Cain “was very angry and his face was downcast... he attacked his brother and killed him” (Genesis 4:2-16). If only Cain had prayed for grace to feel pleased on Abel’s behalf!
The sorry story of the relationship between King Saul and the young David (1Samuel 18-30) is blighted by Saul’s inability - or should I say refusal? - to take pleasure in David’s great gifts and popularity: see especially 1 Samuel 18:1-9, with the sinister note that “Saul kept a close eye on David”.
The writer of Proverbs tells us, with beautiful bluntness, that “envy rots the bones” (14:30). All right, that may not be literally true - but I think we get the point! The stupid thing is this: if we allow ourselves to be jealous of someone else it doesn’t hurt them one scrap; but, make no mistake, it hurts us badly by poisoning and uglifying our personalities.
I don’t know if you are into new year resolutions; but whether you are or not, Paul’s simple words in Romans 12:15 are worth digesting and praying down deep into our hearts as we make our way through this troubled, dog-eat-dog world.
Happy new year!
Lord God please, by your Spirit, drain my inmost heart of all envy, jealousy, bitterness and self-pity, and teach me to delight in the good fortune of even those I find it difficult to like. Amen.
The American novelist Gore Vidal is supposed to have said, “Every time a friend succeeds, something in me dies”. (I say “is supposed” because that quote has been attributed to several others as well.)
I don’t know if it was meant as a sarcastic joke (Vidal was known, apparently, for his “epigrammatic wit”). But taken at face value it reflects intense rivalry, even downright, spiteful jealousy - “I want to be the best! I want to be praised and admired! I hate it when other people outshine me, even my own friends!”
Well, only Vidal himself knew his own heart. But however sad we might find those words, if we are honest I suspect that few of us are completely innocent of such mean-mindedness. Do you - do I - have a jealous streak deep down inside?
If we do, I can’t imagine a better antidote than Paul’s simple words in Romans 12:15: “Rejoice with those who rejoice”.
We usually take these words in their most straightforward sense: “If someone else is happy, then be happy with them. Of course!” And I’m sure that’s right.
Sometimes it’s easy enough - somebody has passed an exam, or got a new job, or had a baby, or got married, or come safely through an operation... In situations like those it’s a pleasure, surely, to share the happiness of others.
But wait a minute... What if that exam was one that we had failed? or if that job was one that we hoped we would get? or if the person that friend married was the person we had set our hearts on marrying? How sincere then is our “rejoicing”? Isn’t it tainted with jealousy, even bitterness?
There’s no point denying what we feel, and if we do feel jealous, that in itself isn’t wrong. Regarding that job, for example: it may be that we really were better qualified for it, and could have done it better. No, it’s not wrong to feel that very natural pang of hurt and jealousy.
What matters is what we do with that feeling.
Do we harbour it, brood on it, allow it to fester and engender in us feelings of anger or self-pity? Or do we deal with it by bringing it to God, and asking him to teach us, even in this sort of situation, to “rejoice with those who rejoice”?
If we do this, then by his Spirit he will bring us to a place where, for all the lingering hurt inside, we can look our fortunate friend right in the eye, congratulate them and wish them well with a genuine smile. And then get on with our lives (perhaps keeping in mind the times we have been the “lucky” ones).
What it all boils down to is the contrast between a mean and a generous spirit. If a person who doesn’t know God feels resentful and hard-done by, you might expect them to be mean-spirited. What motive might they have not to be so? But if a person knows God, and is conscious of how generous God has been with them, then don’t they have every incentive to copy that generous-spiritedness?
Fact: life just isn’t “fair”. So get used to it. But fact also: in God’s providence all wrongs will be righted and perfect justice will be done. Isn’t he the holy God who can do all things?
The Bible contains various examples of the destructive power of jealousy. The first murder happened because Cain’s offering was not accepted by God, while his brother Abel’s was: so Cain “was very angry and his face was downcast... he attacked his brother and killed him” (Genesis 4:2-16). If only Cain had prayed for grace to feel pleased on Abel’s behalf!
The sorry story of the relationship between King Saul and the young David (1Samuel 18-30) is blighted by Saul’s inability - or should I say refusal? - to take pleasure in David’s great gifts and popularity: see especially 1 Samuel 18:1-9, with the sinister note that “Saul kept a close eye on David”.
The writer of Proverbs tells us, with beautiful bluntness, that “envy rots the bones” (14:30). All right, that may not be literally true - but I think we get the point! The stupid thing is this: if we allow ourselves to be jealous of someone else it doesn’t hurt them one scrap; but, make no mistake, it hurts us badly by poisoning and uglifying our personalities.
I don’t know if you are into new year resolutions; but whether you are or not, Paul’s simple words in Romans 12:15 are worth digesting and praying down deep into our hearts as we make our way through this troubled, dog-eat-dog world.
Happy new year!
Lord God please, by your Spirit, drain my inmost heart of all envy, jealousy, bitterness and self-pity, and teach me to delight in the good fortune of even those I find it difficult to like. Amen.
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